Dear Catherine.



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Time to Getaway.

I have always known that I am my own worst critic.

There was an article online about talking to yourself the way you would talk to your friends, and it honestly gave me pause because I could never imagine talking to any friend the way I talk to myself. (I would be devastatingly alone in that case!) In fact, I wouldn’t talk to my worst enemy the way I talk to myself.

That realization made me notice just how harsh I can be on myself and how mean and unforgiving I am of my own mistakes.  Sometimes I wonder how other people’s inner dialogue sounds, because my own is not very pleasant at all.


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Stop being a nice girl.

I have somehow found myself to be in the uncharted position where I (and the majority !!!) of my female friends are single. As such, a significant proportion of our conversations have now centered around how to ‘avoid assholes’ and what makes someone a good person, specifically, a good man.

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You’re going to be alone now.

“You. Now, you listen to me. You’re going to be alone now, and you’re very bad at that. You’re going to be furious and you’re going to be sad, but listen to me. Don’t let this change you. No, listen. Whatever happens next… wherever she is sending you, I know what you’re capable of. You don’t be a warrior. Promise me. Be a Doctor.”

“What’s the point of being a Doctor if I can’t cure you?”

“Heal yourself. You have to. You can’t let this turn you into a monster. So… I’m not asking you for a promise. I’m giving you an order. You will not insult my memory. There will be no revenge. I will die, and no-one else, here or anywhere, will suffer.”

“What about me?”

“If there was something I could do about that, I would. I guess we’re both just going to have to be brave.”

Clara Oswald, to the 12th Doctor

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I’m alive.

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

Haruki Murakami

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But I am not one of them.

I haven’t been blogging a lot recently because I don’t feel well. Physically there isn’t anything wrong with me, I’m still maintaining a relatively healthy diet and exercising at least 3x a week – I try to get 8 hours of sleep a night and I drink lots of water. If muscles are any indication, I’m fine.


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