I have always known that I am my own worst critic.
There was an article online about talking to yourself the way you would talk to your friends, and it honestly gave me pause because I could never imagine talking to any friend the way I talk to myself. (I would be devastatingly alone in that case!) In fact, I wouldn’t talk to my worst enemy the way I talk to myself.
That realization made me notice just how harsh I can be on myself and how mean and unforgiving I am of my own mistakes. Sometimes I wonder how other people’s inner dialogue sounds, because my own is not very pleasant at all.
I have somehow found myself to be in the uncharted position where I (and the majority !!!) of my female friends are single. As such, a significant proportion of our conversations have now centered around how to ‘avoid assholes’ and what makes someone a good person, specifically, a good man.
“You. Now, you listen to me. You’re going to be alone now, and you’re very bad at that. You’re going to be furious and you’re going to be sad, but listen to me. Don’t let this change you. No, listen. Whatever happens next… wherever she is sending you, I know what you’re capable of. You don’t be a warrior. Promise me. Be a Doctor.”
“What’s the point of being a Doctor if I can’t cure you?”
“Heal yourself. You have to. You can’t let this turn you into a monster. So… I’m not asking you for a promise. I’m giving you an order. You will not insult my memory. There will be no revenge. I will die, and no-one else, here or anywhere, will suffer.”
“What about me?”
“If there was something I could do about that, I would. I guess we’re both just going to have to be brave.”
Clara Oswald, to the 12th Doctor
I really feel like I’m writing a lot but actually nothing ever makes it to the blog because I can’t seem to commit to making those thoughts ‘public’. So, why not a dump of Rick and Morty quotes that give me plausible deniability when it comes to expressing how I feel about life?
Wubba Lubba Dub Dub.
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
It’s like scarlet fever, one has to get it over.
Even though sometimes you annoy the shit out of me.
The thing that bothers me about depression is that I fear I will be an easy murder target. Someone will just one day push me off a balcony or cliff, and the police will look at my medical history and assume, “Oh she was depressed, she must’ve committed suicide. LOL case closed.” and the murderer will get away without any investigation at all.
I haven’t been blogging a lot recently because I don’t feel well. Physically there isn’t anything wrong with me, I’m still maintaining a relatively healthy diet and exercising at least 3x a week – I try to get 8 hours of sleep a night and I drink lots of water. If muscles are any indication, I’m fine.