Compliments from a Narcissist.

Do you know someone who compliments you like this?

“I don’t like talking to so-and-so, they’re so annoying, but I like talking to you.”

“I don’t actually think a lot of other people smart, but I think you’re smart.”

“Girls in this city are so shallow, I’m glad you’re not like that.”

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I’m alive.

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

Haruki Murakami

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I think I’m overweight.

“Your vomit smells like anorexic girl.” Said my friend, the morning after a night of binge drinking which resulted in my throwing up on her brand new shoes.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that your vomit doesn’t stink. It smells sweet because there’s no food in your stomach.”

I felt oddly pleased with this comment.

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But I am not one of them.

I haven’t been blogging a lot recently because I don’t feel well. Physically there isn’t anything wrong with me, I’m still maintaining a relatively healthy diet and exercising at least 3x a week – I try to get 8 hours of sleep a night and I drink lots of water. If muscles are any indication, I’m fine.

 

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A note to my ego.

I downloaded “Introduction to Psychoanalysis.” by Freud but never managed to get through it. The language is difficult and it was hard to remain invested in his teachings, given the information is from the early 1900s and psychology has advanced significantly since then.

Instead I’ve been delving deeper into Jungian psychology. In particular, reading about the cognitive functions. There are eight cognitive functions which represent how people observe the world – each person uses four of the eight functions in order to respond to things. These four functions are used in a dominant, auxiliary, tertiary, and inferior order. I used to be a little skeptical of the function stacks because it seemed inflexible – but the more I read about them in relation to myself, the more valuable the information becomes.

 

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I’m not old, dangnabit.

What’s the deal with aging?

I turned 27 a few months ago, and all of a sudden people around me have started calling me ‘old’. This to me is nonsensical – each day I’m only 24 hours biologically older than the previous. In fact, at 27 years, I’m only 24 hours older than 26 years and 364 days of age, yet I guess on paper the difference seems bigger.

The first instance came when people kept wishing me ‘happy 21st birthday’ on Facebook or joking that I was 19 again. I didn’t really understand … why do I want to turn 19? I was poor at 19, had low self-esteem, and my life was at the whimsy of others. Even at 21, I was a bit of a derp and spent much of my time making big deals out of small things. (yes, even more time, can you believe it?) Don’t get me wrong – I still am prone to emotional meltdowns, but I’m much happier where I am, doing what I do today, than I have been in the past.

I work in a military band where the average age is between 40-50. Almost everyone there is older than me by decades, and I get a sense of contentment and peace from them. People there will gently make fun of themselves for their age, “I used to have more hair 10 years ago, etc.” but there’s no visible anxiety or denial over growing older. I guess they’ve had more practice, after all.

 

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