Social Media Fast Update 1: Where are all my likes?

I never realized how much time I spend perusing social media until I found myself utterly bored for the past two days. (Oh my god has it only been two days?)

Day One:

11 a.m.

My apps have been diligently removed from my phone shortly after the stroke of midnight, yet I still can’t fight off the compulsion to look at my phone right upon waking.

Where are all my likes?

Oh. That’s right. They’re banished for the next 31 days. I will have to live in a state of being ‘unlikeable’*.

Nothing really happens on my phone without social media. None of these app icons have little bubbles with numbers inside of them. Lame.

4 p.m.

There’s the most beautiful pastel sunset reflected over the ocean. I habitually whip out my phone to take a photo before remembering, ruefully, that there’s no point because there’s nowhere to upload it.

Marten remarks, “Guess you’ll have to just enjoy the moment.”

8 p.m.

I’m so bored. I don’t know what to do with myself. Where did all this leisure time come from? I lay down on the floor and watch Marten exercise. It creeps him out so he tells me to look elsewhere. I resign myself to rolling around on the carpet in a blanket.

This is ok, I tell myself. Maybe someone will text me.

No one does, and I watch 3 Netflix documentaries consecutively. Well, at least no one in North Korea has social media either – I feel better.
Day 2:

12 p.m.

I’m feeling symptoms of depression. What is going on in the outside world? What is everyone else doing? Are all my friends having fun without me?

I go onto google news and read the headlines, dismayed that most of the headlines are from several hours prior. NO. I don’t want to read news from 8 hours ago, I need to know what is happening CURRENTLY.

Resigned, I put away my electronics and read some Calvin and Hobbes.

12:40 p.m.

My dad has texted me a photo of him shoveling the driveway. I am thrilled.

6 p.m.

I go outside for a walk to pick up some vegan ice cream. When I get home, I immediately regret my decision as I discover that coconut milk has about as much saturated fat as lard.

8 p.m.

I watch another Netflix documentary. What am I going to do when I run out of documentaries to watch?

11 p.m.

It has been a full 48 hours since I received any likes. I feel sad. This must be the purging process – just like food fasts, the first few days are always the worst … right?


*I now check my emails to read when someone has ‘starred’ my blogpost. So I suppose I’m not 100% free of likes. Thank you in advance for not leaving me in my time of need.



5 thoughts on “Social Media Fast Update 1: Where are all my likes?

    1. Thanks Mike! Day 3 was a lot easier (but I accidentally discovered myself on imgur and reddit – two sites I didn’t use before, but which I suppose are technically social media … the traps are everywhere …)

      Liked by 1 person

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