I never realized how much time I spend perusing social media until I found myself utterly bored for the past two days. (Oh my god has it only been two days?)
My apps have been diligently removed from my phone shortly after the stroke of midnight, yet I still can’t fight off the compulsion to look at my phone right upon waking.
Where are all my likes?
Oh. That’s right. They’re banished for the next 31 days. I will have to live in a state of being ‘unlikeable’*.
Nothing really happens on my phone without social media. None of these app icons have little bubbles with numbers inside of them. Lame.
There’s the most beautiful pastel sunset reflected over the ocean. I habitually whip out my phone to take a photo before remembering, ruefully, that there’s no point because there’s nowhere to upload it.
Marten remarks, “Guess you’ll have to just enjoy the moment.”
I’m so bored. I don’t know what to do with myself. Where did all this leisure time come from? I lay down on the floor and watch Marten exercise. It creeps him out so he tells me to look elsewhere. I resign myself to rolling around on the carpet in a blanket.
This is ok, I tell myself. Maybe someone will text me.
No one does, and I watch 3 Netflix documentaries consecutively. Well, at least no one in North Korea has social media either – I feel better.
I’m feeling symptoms of depression. What is going on in the outside world? What is everyone else doing? Are all my friends having fun without me?
I go onto google news and read the headlines, dismayed that most of the headlines are from several hours prior. NO. I don’t want to read news from 8 hours ago, I need to know what is happening CURRENTLY.
Resigned, I put away my electronics and read some Calvin and Hobbes.
My dad has texted me a photo of him shoveling the driveway. I am thrilled.
I go outside for a walk to pick up some vegan ice cream. When I get home, I immediately regret my decision as I discover that coconut milk has about as much saturated fat as lard.
I watch another Netflix documentary. What am I going to do when I run out of documentaries to watch?
It has been a full 48 hours since I received any likes. I feel sad. This must be the purging process – just like food fasts, the first few days are always the worst … right?
*I now check my emails to read when someone has ‘starred’ my blogpost. So I suppose I’m not 100% free of likes. Thank you in advance for not leaving me in my time of need.